The Commencement of an On-Going Healing Journey
Play: Boys to Men — New Edition
When I was 24 I died. Well…a part of me died. It was surprising and essential. Before it happened, I was living in fear every day, thinking that I wouldn’t survive to 25. As I reflect on that period, I am blessed to be on the other side of such a scary outlook and unwanted life. Looking back on the younger woman I was at that time it is hard for me to believe that that was my life. Hard for me to believe the choices I made, the partners I wanted/dated, the thoughts that I had and beliefs I lived by.
As the underdeveloped part of me was preparing to die, I found myself at the local library more and more. Before I knew it I spent the spring and summer immersed in 5 books. I was starving and thirsting for overflowing knowledge. My life lacked purpose, joy, harmony and peace. I was lost and needed a something different….I had no idea of what I needed or how to get it.
The texts chose me…called out to me. Thankfully I answered the call and am grateful! As I consumed more words, I was evolving and meeting an authentic and genuine part of myself I had yet to encounter. Pausing to take literal and mental notes, it was as if every time I returned to read more of any of these books, I was vowing to never be the same again. I stopped being afraid of the inevitable death that was looming and embraced the notion that a changed, stronger, wiser, happier human was on the horizon. Do you know this feeling? Maybe you will find these texts significant as well.
5. Sister Souljah’s “No Disrespect” empowered me to pursue higher education by creating a path that worked for me. The tone encouraged my voice and self-advocacy and dared to teach me to never allow my past to delay my progression in my person and professional life. Tap into your brilliance and work smart.
4. “Letter to My Daughter” by Maya Angelou moved me to wide eyes and tears. The words were so honest and some of the lessons so painful to read, let alone experience. If I took nothing else from the wise words and sensitive situations, I learned that one can survive some embarrassing, regretful moments that only amplify the richest instances in our lives.
3. Hill Harper’s “Letters to a Young Sister: DeFINE Your Destiny” moved me in an way most books do not. As I read, I started making TO-DO lists, visualizing the future I wanted, and planning out my short-term and long-term goals. I got serious about earning a college degree and what type of student I was going to become. My imagination would not let me rest until I worked towards my goals each day.
2. As I was preparing to rise again, my mind was on a spiritual journey. I wanted to understand the Higher Power that governs this universe for myself. I was seeking a deeper relationship that would no longer allow me to be brainwashed by or unquestioning of “authority” figures and leaders of religious institutions. I started with the Psalms and Proverbs and eventually found my way to my favorite verse. (The numbers 15 and 13 are meaningful and represent some of the momentous chapters in my life.) I’m unable to believe some of what I was taught as a child and I’m finally okay with that.
- Around this time I discovered one of the biggest shocks of my life…that I had grown up in an alcoholic system that was multi-generational. This led me to start attending Al-Anon support group meetings. Soon after I started reading the “ODAT” for Al-Anon. I listened silently and with intent. I did not judge and I grew UP. I sobbed and grieved. All of it was raw and necessary. A part of me died when I was 24 and I don’t miss her.
Which books have helped re/shape and transform your life?
Add your life-altering reads in the comments.
