Education and Emotionally Abusive Relationships
In my second year of teaching students diagnosed with Emotional Disturbance, I cried twice during lunch breaks. Once alone and once with my work bff. SHOUT OUT to Jackie! She comforted me and shared she had recently read an article that stated working in present day education is the equivalent to choosing to remain in an emotionally abusive relationship. To hear that revelation which resonated with me, was soul crushing. So many of us empaths and helpers of humans choose professions similar to teaching that require us to make personal sacrifices and leave us feeling the heavy load that distress brings. At times, I think of educators as Sisyphus….SIGH
You ever wonder what makes people become teachers? I have spent the “pandemic years” trying to figure out what motivated and inspired me to become an educator. Officially, I’ve been an educator for 9 years; unofficially for about 15 years. Most of my time in classrooms has been through the lense of special education. When I graduated from high school, I was completely unprepared for college; that was the true catalyst for my 12 year quest to become an educator. However, there is real sh*t I hate about traditional teaching and how public schools are ran.
For example, dealing with entitled parents who yell, curse, are disrespectful and full of threats (but want little to do with actively contributing to their child’s growth and development in and outside of school) is enough to drive some professionals from the industry with the quickness. Depending on which city and district you teach in, this could be a norm. I have chosen to teach in a community where generational poverty and complex traumas are the normal and somewhat expected before the exit from primary school. I know from talking to colleagues in other public institutions that we face what many with similar school demographics do.
Another thing I strongly dislike…standardized assessments. In my personal opinion, once schools returned to in-person learning it was an opportunity for this nation to do something radical in education. We could have decided to meet all children where they were academically and paused all standardized testing to eliminate the pacing pressure put on teachers. The reality is due to keeping up with the skills and knowledge that will be assessed on any standardized test, there is a disconnect between teachers having the time to ensure 85–90% of the class has mastered any academic skill.
The notion to get back to “business as usual” is/was dismissive of the emotional and psychological damages caused by much of the WORLD undergoing a massive shutdown — which we will feel the effects of for several years to come. Returning to schools meant we could have created the platform for rich conversations about fear, loss, anxiety, introspection, and healthy coping strategies to name a few essential topics for well-rounded growth and development of emotional intelligence. The focus on academics despite the external factors we face daily that challenge our ability to teach effective lessons has been heard and seems to be a topic schools are opting to ignore or sweep under the rug hoping that the pile of things not discussed disappears like the smell of a pungent gas in the air, in my opinion.
Do I sound bitter? Well…it’s been over a year since I sat down to write something for the purpose of posting. Even my journal writing has dwindled. The truth is I have been consumed with the happenings of work in ways that have left me mentally and physically exhausted at the end of the day and week. Regretfully, I do the bare minimum of self care to get to the next day. Stuff has gotten real and out of control… I know I’m not the only one working in a public school who is experiencing this in this major city or even in this country.
Today, like many of my colleagues, I’ll spend time preparing for tomorrow so I can feel less anxious when I go to sleep. Tomorrow, we’ll return to work and brave the unexpected obstacles surely to come. This isn’t sustainable for educators who have not joined those who left the industry for sanity and peace. If you ask my longtime friends and family, most would say I’m an optimistic being. Unfortunately, the shifts beyond my control have left me with such a negative mindset around this ongoing issue. I’m searching for a mental reset, in the midst of chaos occurring all around.
Mood: Brave — Sara Bareilles https://youtu.be/QUQsqBqxoR4
Comparison piece: https://kadewo.medium.com/gratitude-in-the-midst-of-a-pandemic-3cbf7b9183f0
